Love: How do you know if someone likes you?

About a month ago, I declared to the world that I was in love. Indeed, the post which I did this in is still accessible on my blog. With time to reflect on my earlier ruminations and explorations of such an intriguing topic, I wanted to take a break from my series on the existence of God and once more delve into an emotion which characteristically defines who we are as individuals and helps us build ourselves an identity to live by. I hope to unpack what the idea that its difficult to know if someone likes you, and what one should do in such a situation.

The new hit single Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen (which is actually quite catchy) tells the story of a young woman who falls for a dashing young fellow who seems to perform tasks around the house topless. She tries to impress him and get his attention, making a bit of a fool of herself in the process, but eventually getting her band to sing to him about how much she wants him. However, right at the end of the music video, we discover he is gay, when he gives his number to the male lead guitarist! This song captures beautifully the constant struggle and problem we all face in the area of love; namely, when you have a crush on someone, how do you tell if that person will fancy you back?

Despite a large number of websites, magazines and videos dedicating their time to providing answers to this question, it still seems an impossible task. The problem one faces is discerning whether the person in question is exhibiting the signs which indicate affection for you, or are you just perceiving that to be the case and in reality you have exaggerated their actions. For example, one of the 'signs' that a person likes you is that they look at you a lot, in either long stares or short, sharp glances. In one episode of the Inbetweeners, the lads are at a party and Simon thinks a girl likes him, as she keeps looking at him. However, we find out the only reason she was glancing at him was because he was staring at her, and she was quite uncomfortable about it! The point is, how do we know the image we have of a situation is a good representation of the reality of the scenario?

Whilst this question on the nature of knowledge and the warrant we have for beliefs is fascinating for a theoretician, what most people want to know is how one should practically respond to such a dilemma. After thinking about this for a while, I have come to the conclusion people have three choices they can make. They can either:

1) Suppress their emotions until the phase passes.
2) Sustain a gradual approach of flirting and signals in the hope that the individual in question also gives them off, so a mutual affection is generated and then acted upon.
3) Seizing the moment and directly asking the individual out, thus confessing your emotions for them.

Number one is a very conservative move, directed at reducing the possible harm that can be caused to oneself. It is good if you don't think you have very high chances with the person you like, or don't have very much courage. However, if the person does like you a lot as well, this approach crushes the wonderful opportunity you had of being in a relationship with a person you love a lot.

The second approach is quite balanced, which has an element of exposure to hurt but minimizes it due to the extended period of time it takes to follow through this plan. On the plus side, it can result in quite a lot of fun, courting and general banter, which could be an exhilarating ride of emotions, as so often seen in depictions of the 'chase'. However, even if you get really close to that person, it may not work out, as neither of you may make that bold step to make it into something more special, and as such it may backfire.

Finally, option three is the riskiest of all three, as outright rejection can occur. However, an absolute confirmation that the girl/boy you asked out likes you is great. It would be the beginning of something special. So this has the most to lose and the most to gain.

All three have their positives and negatives, as do all things in life. Honestly, I think everyone would like to pick three, but the courage one needs to do this is hard to come by. A bit of two and three together are the best plan. That way, you don't rush into anything, and you can test the waters to see if the person you like genuinely likes you back. Then, if you are sure you have something great and are really close with her/him, go to three and take it to the next level!

Sounds simple in theory, but in reality its a whole lot harder. But ultimately, if you follow your heart, commit to your emotions 100% and put your will behind it, you will either win the girl/guy of your dreams or be much the same as before. Weighing it up like a bet, there is nothing really to lose apart from pride, but all to gain in the form of a wonderful diffusion of love. So I encourage you to go out there, trust your perceptions and hope for the best.

Note: This is not a guide to picking up girls/guys, but a philosophical pondering into the nature of love and the risk of rejection.