Slags, Lads and Sex

Slags. We all know one. If you don't, I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but you are probably one yourself. People dismiss them as needy, cheap, promiscuous women who will just sleep with anyone and anything. They are the butt of our jokes, the centre of gossip and a target of hate which people can rally against. But is this fair? Should we critisise people for embracing their liberties, throwing off the shackles placed upon us by the backward societies of the past? Are we just jealous of their sexual success? Can we really judge a woman who, according to the Urban Dictionary, just has the morals of a man? The following article will almost certainly get my blog banned from Facebook again, but nonetheless, let us proceed with the dirty business of evaluating the moral justifications for being a slag.

To begin, I want to tell a short story, which will be the focus of our inquiry. One night, person X, who is decent looking, went out, wearing skimpily clad clothes, revealing their physical features, with the intention of getting laid and having a good time. X went to all the best clubs, partying with strangers and pulling quite a few in the toilets of each respective place. X did this weekly, getting quite a reputation for it. A lot of the discussions at school were about X and their antics.

Now I want you to suppose that person X is a girl. What's your initial impression? Is she a bit cheap, leaving nothing to the imagination? I would hazard a guess that a lot of people will judge her as living a low form of life, allowing any guy she can find to have sex with her, devaluing the very act of it, and pursuing a way of living which focuses only on the physical. We would call her derogatory terms like slut, whore, slag and many more negative terms.

In fact, it turns out person X is actually a man. What do you think now? Is he a player, just fulfilling his desires, being the ideal of every man out there? Among men, there is a prevailing culture to be a 'lad', getting laid every night, living the high life and generally absorbing a materialistic culture. We would call this guy a pimp, player, lad and other positive names.

The point is, the man who lives as person X does will be treated far better than the woman who acts like X. And this to me seems grossly unfair. Either we should see both as great or both as bad. So which are they?

I think a large part of this is the fact that both lads and slags are embracing their carnal desires. It is within us most people the urge to have sex (though not all, as my friend Rob pointed out). Most of us suppress this, due to an expected standard society and religion has placed upon us not to be sexually immoral. When we see others acting upon these lusts, the animal inside of us cries out for the same thing, urging us on to complete similar acts. As such, we have an instinctual jealousy of them. Thus, we live in a paradox where we want to live a similar lifestyle yet despise the people living it due to this envy we also have of them. Unfortunately, the woman bares the negative aspect of this, whilst the man does not. So in some respects, my sympathies lie with these people, having to bare with everyone else's jealousy, especially women.

But whilst the justification for sexual promiscuity maybe to satisfy one's animal nature, I myself find this a very weak ethical system. For while I accept that being partly animal is a property of being human, I also think it is the quest for meaning which differentiates us as a species from all other life on Earth. Searching for meaning in all we do is definitive of who we are, it is the driving force of all the great achievements ever made. In the sciences, in the humanities, in the arts, all things have been done in an attempt to discover a hidden meaning in our experience. The dog, he experiences the world, but he does not ask what the meaning is of anything, whereas the human asks why something is the case, or how things work, or what needs to happen for so and so. Applying and yearning for meaning equates to being human.

And it is this which leads me to feel a great sense of sorrow for the life the sexually forward lead. For whilst they find a short lived joy in their revealing clothes and raunchy nights, they in the process abandon the meaning of sex. Sex is primarily a celebration of the love two people have for each other. This is why it is so precious, it is for a private, enclosed affair. For a human being, it is special. But the forwardness of the man or woman who lives like person X is taking an zoomorphic system of morals. They are ruining their own humanity, which is such a shame, because every human is an important person who we, as a community, should care about. It seems like they are destroying the very thing which identifies them. What makes it worse, is that the joy of discovering a meaningful thing like love is longer lasting and transcending anything like the short lived fun that a physical act can offer. So whilst life as a lad or a slag is quite appealing on an animal level, as a human, it denies the very thing which defines us; our sense of meaning in situations.

I don't want to come across like I judge these people as somehow worse than myself. It is a basic principle of mine, and of the Christian faith that we should try to divide the individual from their actions, as without doing this, forgiveness can never occur, and communities can never grow in love and fellowship. I am not attacking the people who live this way, for they are entitled to that if they wish, and many of them are genuinely nice. Rather, I am suggesting the way of life they want to uphold is wrong, as it is based on a primal system, which as humans we cannot accept if we want to maintain our identity as meaning seeking creatures. In saying that, I think it is clear the gossiping, derision and outright hostility to such a life is unjustified. Yes, some girls may wear skirts which look like belts, and yes they may get off with more blokes than a person has fingers, but we should not be mean or nasty to them through malevolent jealousy and hatred. Rather, help that person to see that they are beautiful without the need to reveal large amounts of flesh, that they can enjoy a more joyful life through not falling to the basic desires we all share, and that they should embrace a meaningful existence.